The Gift Our Foster Child Gave Us: From Survival Syndrome to Love Syndrome

Oct 2

My family recently had the privilege of fostering a three-year-old little girl. For privacy, I’ll call her Nancy. (She loved the show Fancy Nancy so that seems fitting.) Nancy has Down Syndrome, cannot yet speak, and comes from heartbreaking circumstances. When we said yes to fostering her, we were a little fearful of what we might be stepping into. But what we received was one of the greatest blessings of our foster experience up to this point.

From the first moment, Nancy radiated joy. She was full of kindness, patience, and love. She didn’t feel like “work” to us—she felt like a gift.

I have reflected quite a bit on that word ‘syndrome’ over the past week. Too often the world sees it as a negative label. But living with Nancy for even a short time redefined it for me. A syndrome is simply “a group of symptoms which consistently occur together.”

And Nancy’s symptoms were beautiful:

Kindness

Patience

Happiness

Love

It made me reflect on the “symptoms” most of us carry. Our neurotypical brains are conditioned for survival – fear, greed, and self-preservation prevail too often. Left unchecked, these survival symptoms become our default leadership style.

But as steady leaders, we must intentionally choose to live guided by a different set of symptoms. We must cultivate what I call “Love Syndrome” – where grace, forgiveness, kindness, and patience consistently show up in how we lead.

In your week ahead, consider:

What “symptoms” consistently show up in your leadership?

Who do you have close enough to hold you accountable to living a life characterized by Love Syndrome instead of Survival Syndrome?

Can you make love a part of your identity as a leader, not just an occasional act?

Jesus said, “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Luke 18:14). Humility and authenticity are the soil where Love Syndrome grows.

Leaders, let’s not simply survive. Let’s love.

Stay steady. Lead with love.